Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I checked into jail on foursquare
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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