i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
