come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Vodka?
Forever.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
