I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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