dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
