I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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