conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
