Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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