i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
