I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize