If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
