The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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