a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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