vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
