Umm I'm too high to move.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize