I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
