I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
