i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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