my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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