There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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