He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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