This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
