I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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