Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
