life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
