Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
