hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Hippo gnu deer
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
