You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
