What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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