two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
