I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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