Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
