listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize