Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
