Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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