I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
