Betty ford says i'm here all night
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
