But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
