Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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