Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
