People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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