I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
