she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
