I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Someone shattered a urinal.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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