Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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