they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
