i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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