You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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