chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
this beer tastes like vomit already
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
