Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
