I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
