Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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