The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
