I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
