So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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