having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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