I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
