You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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