I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
