At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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