you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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