hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
