first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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