Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
