im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
