Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
