I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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