I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
