I faked an abortion last night.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
