I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
