i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
