Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
