i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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