Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
