Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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