if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
