I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize