my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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