Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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