how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
