I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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