yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
