I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Randomize
