mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
