So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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