You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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