I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We are all done wearing pants today
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
