i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
