GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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