Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
