You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
