While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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