Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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