My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
