I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize