peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
